Choices Of The Heart
by Lucesco
Summary: Gohan and Videl's ways separate. He goes to college, she goes travelling for a year. But does Gohan truly choose what he wants the most? Or does he let the person he loves the most go without a fight?


A/N: Okay, now that the exams are coming, I'm seriously wondering: What's next? What am I going to do after this? What is going to happen? I've already been accepted at the University I wanted to go to, but I can't help but wonder if there isn't something else I can do. Like... travelling, for example. To find out what I really want with myself. That's how I sort of spontaneously came up with this story. Well, read on now.

Disclaimer: I own Port South, the Southern Sea, Port Angelo and the Coral Ocean... Because I'm God.

Inspiration: Coldplay's_ the Scientist._ I hid two lines from that song in the story. Anyone who can find it gets the Coral Ocean.

The tuition had already been paid, the books had already been bought, the room had already been assigned, every possible preparation had been made. The letter of acceptance had been lyrical and praising and one of the most wanted spots at the Technical University of West City had been given to this simple mountain boy whose possibilities always exceeded his ambitions. Mother was hysterical and in an upper state of bliss, father was shining with pride, little brother looked up to me. Any normal guy would be thanking the Lord on his knees for being blessed with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and yet I was questioning whether it was the right thing for me to do.

I realized I was lucky. Being given this chance was something I thought I always wanted. And I told myself I wanted this, that this was something I have worked for my entire life and that the doubt I was feeling was merely because I would soon step into something that was unknown territory for me. I told myself that is was natural that I was having a little doubt. This was a huge step, a transition to something new, something big and possibly life changing. I would move out, meet new people, have new experiences, learn new stuff. It was another stage in my life. Some people are excited about it, other people dread it. And I apparently dreaded it. But I was sure that it wouldn't last long. The dreading and the doubting I mean. The idea was just… new and frightening for someone like me who has always depended on his parents. That's all.

And yet as time approached the first day of a new life, the first day of college, I got more anxious. When my books were delivered I suddenly realized that this was for real. I had been accepted. It was not just on paper, the books were the proof that I was really a student of the Technical University of West City now. The doubt didn't go away, it seemed to grow bigger. I didn't tell my parents. No need to get into an argument with them over nothing. Because it probably was just nothing. I would only have to get used to the new student life and everything would turn out just fine.

The weeks prior to my first day of college were mostly spent outside, where I lay under a tree on the soft, green grass and under the summer sun, contemplating about everything and nothing. But mostly contemplating about Videl.

Videl.

My first and only girlfriend. Now my ex-girlfriend. During times like these, when I'm in doubt and facing all the insecurities of the future, I missed her the most. I missed her warmth and her support and her body next to me in the grass. With her, everything was certain. It was all clear. There was no shadow of a doubt. Everything would turn out just fine anyway, as long as we had each other.

But not anymore. She was gone and I still wasn't over her.

It all ended sooner than I would have thought, right after graduation. Videl and I had been dating for a few months. We were sitting under our usual tree at my house, talking a bit about everything as the sun was about to set before us. Inevitably our conversation went to the 'future'-topic. She knew I was accepted at the Technical University of West City. She wasn't as enthusiastic about it as I had expected. But she actually never mentioned what she was going to do after high school. She always said something like 'we'll see' to brush off the topic. Now that all deadlines for every university were closed, I seriously wondered where she had been accepted.

"I haven't been accepted anywhere." She said when I asked.

I looked at her disbelievingly. "But your grades were the best. You were at the top of the class."

"Yes, I know." She replied, looking down. "But I didn't apply anywhere."

"You didn't apply?" I asked confused. "But Videl, why not? I don't understand."

She sighed. "Gohan, I don't want to go to college yet. I'm eighteen years old, there's loads of time for college later."

"But then what do you want to do?"

She looked at me. "I want to travel for a year."

It was as if she punched me in the face. The news hit me like a meteor.

"Why?" Was all I could utter after a while.

"Because I want to enjoy life before I start living in the real world." She said as she looked at the horizon.

I gazed at her puzzled. "But if you are going to travel and I am staying here, then what will happen to us?" I asked.

A long silence followed. "You can come with me." She suggested after a while. I shook my head and looked down.

"Gohan it will be great. We can travel the world together. Not just fly across it like we always do, but actually travelling. Living among people of different cultures, hopping on a plane whenever we want to leave, like travellers do. We can enjoy the world and each other every day, waking up in a new place, a new city every morning. The world is open for us, it's giving us so many opportunities we never seized and now we can. Now we are free and we can go anywhere we like. Please Gohan, come with me."

She held my hand as she spoke enthusiastically, but it didn't inspire me.

"Videl," I started as I kept my head down. "I've already been accepted at the Technical University of West City. I am attending this year..."

"You don't have to." She interrupted.

"But I want to." I continued.

She released a dry chuckle. "Please, you have never been excited about it."

"Well, it's not that you've been very supportive about it, or have you?" I countered annoyed.

"Because you have never been excited about it!" She raised her voice. "Come on Gohan, we both know that this is something your mother always wanted. But frankly, do you really want it yourself or are you just doing it because you don't want to disappoint your mother?"

"I do want it." I replied harshly.

"Then you're definitely not showing it. Or do you think I didn't notice that every time Chichi mentioned the Technical University you became silent and closed? That every time Chichi said you are bound to become a the youngest and most brilliant scientist you visibly cringed? That when you received your letter of acceptance you didn't fly through the roof like the rest of the family but sat down at the couch and read over the letter a few times with the expression that would not have misfit a mortician?"

I didn't say anything. It was true, I hadn't been that excited about the acceptance. Not as excited as I should have been. But that was because it was something new for me and I didn't know what to expect of it. Or wasn't that it?

Videl turned her body to me and held my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. When I met her eyes, they were soft and warm. Reassuring.

"If there was not a shadow of a doubt that you wanted to do this, I would have never asked you this. But I know you and I can see you don't want this. And maybe that is because you're not ready for college. That's alright, I am not either. But that is exactly the reason you should wait a bit longer and figure out what you really want. Please come with me Gohan and let's discover the possibilities the world has to offer together. The University will hold your spot in case you realize that the Technical University is something you really want to do. I know they will, because they are lucky to have you and they know it. Let's travel for a year, just you and me, like normal people. Enjoy life while we still can. College can wait, let's live now."

"Videl…" I said softly, not knowing what I wanted to say. Travelling with her was something I really wanted to do, but going to college was something I needed to do.

"I'm sorry, Videl. I just can't."

Tears welled in her eyes as I spoke. She looked down and nodded, trying to smile but failing miserably. That day we ended our relationship, because our roads separated. We had to go on alone. The sun had set for us.

* * *

The last time I saw her was at the Satan City airport. Her father, my parents, Sharpener and Erasa and I were there to say goodbye to her before she took the plane to Port South at the Southern sea, thousands of miles away from her home. With her large backpack she stood there, saying goodbye to the people she loved before she would take off all alone and without me.

Our goodbye was desperate. She embraced me tightly and started crying. I felt hot tears stinging my eyes too as I held her. After a while she pulled back and kissed me one last time, telling me to take care, before she left on the plane.

I was devastated the entire week. Didn't leave my room, didn't sleep, hardly ate. I was just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of her. I was angry at her for leaving me, but mostly I just missed her incredibly much. She was gone for a year and a year without her seemed unbearable. She was the only person I ever fell for and I just couldn't imagine that someone could take her place. She meant so much for me. Why didn't she understand this? Was my love not enough for her? Or worse, not good enough for her?

She left almost two months before I would go to college. In the first week she emailed me every day and I envied her when I read the stories she told me. I admit, I was distant in the emails I sent her back. Not asking much, not telling much. It was because of my anger. She was having a good time and I was here being miserable as hell without her. It was just so unfair. I wish I could say I was happy for her, but frankly… I just couldn't look past my own misery. After the first two weeks in which she tried to brighten me up, she emailed less frequently, until at the end of the month I was lucky if I got one of email a week. It was my own fault, and it had only made me unhappier than I already was.

As everything was planned and taken care of for my first day, I started thinking about my decision. I was so sure about it first, I've done well in choosing for the future. I've done well in making the decision to go to college instead of travelling. I was disappointed that she didn't stay for me. I would have stayed for her if she were in my position. It broke my heart that she left. It was as if she'd rather travel alone than stay here with me.

But as I started thinking about what my decision meant for her, I realized that if she had stayed with me, she didn't have anything. I'd be in school half the day and studying for the rest of it, so she couldn't really count on me to be with her that much. The deadlines for every university were closed so all she had to do was… work, perhaps. Find something else to occupy herself with. But he couldn't imagine her doing nothing all year. She would be miserable if she didn't have any goals. And even if she got lucky and an university accepted her, she would do something she didn't want. Something she wasn't happy with, because she said herself that she wasn't ready for college yet. One way or another, if she had chosen to stay with me, she would have chosen something that did not make her happy in the end. How could I be angry with her, realizing that if she had decided to stay she would be miserable? I couldn't ask her to be unhappy for my sake.

After that, I couldn't blame her anymore for leaving me. I don't know if I would have done the same thing, but I could understand why she did.

But that didn't make me feel better. She was gone and I was still here. I began to wonder what would have happened if I had said yes to her offer. If I had gone with her. We would probably be somewhere in the world, together, visiting ancient cities, lying on the beach, strolling over bazaars and boulevards hand in hand or eating food we've never heard of. But always together. For one whole year.

I admit, it sounded like paradise. We would enjoy every day and come home with a bag full of souvenirs, a camera full of pictures and a head full of memories. And it would be the best memories. But why did she want it now? Why did she need to take a year off and travel now? We could have waited. Finish college and have some security and certainty and then make a trip around the world.

But as much as I convinced myself that this was a possibility, in my heart I knew it was an impossibility. By the time we would both finish college, I knew I that there would be other things along the way. We would get offers for a job, which we couldn't refuse. We would probably be thinking about starting a family. And postponing usually meant that it's just not going to happen. But the most important reason… we might not be together by the time we get through college. And maybe that had worried her. And that's why she wanted to take off with me and travel now, instead of waiting for years to do something that might not happen. Even though I didn't think it we would have broken up, it might have happened. And if it had, she would have regretted for the rest of her life that she hadn't took off and see the world when she could, that she had chosen to do something, going to college, she wasn't ready for. It made sense that she wanted to travel now.

Although the balance was pretty off, I still thought I'd done the right thing in choosing to go to the Technical University this year. Of course, travelling would have been great, but there are more important things. Travelling was something I wanted to do, going to college was something I needed to do. It concerned my future and my future was more important than whatever I wanted. Sometimes there are things we need to do. If we just do whatever we want, the world would be in chaos and no one would consider anyone but themselves.

When I realized that, I could accept that she was gone better and look towards my first day of college. The anxiety, I told myself, was because I'd step into something new. That was all. I needed to do this.

* * *

Time went faster than I thought. The days flew by and the final days of my holiday were approaching. I usually retreated in the woods behind the house or in the fields around it. I thought a lot about what I my expectations of myself were. What am I expecting of myself?

I was expecting to do the things that are most important for me and doing that I would find happiness. But which things were most important for me?

Family was definitely important. I should not disappoint my family. They have sacrificed a lot for my education and in the future I might be the only one who can support them.

Therefore, education was important. In order to support my family in the future I needed a steady job, a job with which I could make enough money for myself and my parents. And I could only get such a job with good education.

But did that make me happy? Yes, it did make me happy to make my parents happy. But then again, was it really happiness or feeling good about myself? It wasn't happiness that would suffice for me for the rest of my life. So what else was there that makes me happy?

I didn't have to think very hard. It was Videl. I could picture her in the sun on the day we broke up so clearly that it seemed like she was actually there with me. God, I missed her. In the last few weeks without her, I hadn't been very happy. I was so down, so depressed and so in pain because of the fact that this was probably the end for us. When she would return she would be a whole different person, with so many experiences and so many things she had seen and so many things she had learned. Different things than I would learn. Things about life. We would have to start anew, if she even wanted to give it a try.

A stab of pain went through my heart at the possibility that it might be too late to give it another try. Maybe she wouldn't want me anymore. While I was sure I'd still want her after this year. I could see us marrying, starting a family, growing old together and…I don't know. Starting a vineyard when we're sixty and retired. That would make me truly happy.

Not that it mattered anymore. It was of little importance now. She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I could only wait for her to return and hope for the best.

* * *

Eight days before I'd start a new life in a new place with new people, Hercule paid us a visit in the afternoon. He gave me a tight hug as a greeting.

"How are you holding up, son?" He asked, as if his daughter had just died. It probably felt like that for him. I knew he loved his daughter above anything else and that he missed her.

"I'm fine." I lied, feeling a bit uncomfortable in his embrace. I heard him whimper.

"That's alright." He muttered weakly before my mother led him to the kitchen.

"Poor guy." My father said.

"Yeah." I beamed. "He looks awful."

"We can't blame him for it. Your mother would be in the same state as him if you'd left for a year."

I nodded. "What about you?"

My father smiled. "Whatever makes you happy son, and I will be happy. And by the way…" He said as he was looking at me from tip to toe, "…He's not the only one who looks awful."

He gave me a meaningful look and patted my shoulder before he made his way to the kitchen, leaving me alone to think about what he said.

Hercule stayed for dinner. As we sat at the dinner table, the subject soon concentrated on Videl.

"Where is Videl now?" My mother asked Hercule.

"She's in Fort Angelo at the Coral Ocean." Hercule replied disheartened. He was playing absently with his food. I felt sorry for him.

"And how is she doing?"

"She is having a good time, but she misses us all." Hercule began to whimper a little again. "It's not that I don't want her to be happy, I just miss her so much. And I'm worried. She's all alone."

"Videl is a tough girl." My father said with a mouth full of food. "She'll be alright."

Hercule smiled sadly. He turned to me. "So how are you Gohan? Are you excited about going to college?" He asked in a brave attempt to lift up the conversation. Unfortunately for me it didn't.

"Oh… yes, very excited." I lied quickly, averting my eyes and looking at my plate.

"Gohan just received his books." Chichi stated proudly. "He's already learned everything, haven't you Gohan?"

I nodded silently. I noticed my father was watching me.

"It's going to be a piece of cake for him, he is so smart. The Technical University is proud that he attends. Bulma put up a good word for him. Not that he needed it, but at least all the teachers know him now. We got several enthusiastic letters from some of the professors saying that they looked forward to seeing his work. They even expressed their faith that he could be the youngest and most successful scientist the university has ever brought forth. He sure has the capacities for it."

I ate my food quietly, listening to my mothers prattling with uneasiness. Such high expectations. I could literally feel the pressure on my shoulders. I looked at my father. He was gazing at me with an expression I could not place.

"But he will do whatever makes him happy, doesn't he?" He said expressively. I was surprised that he said that.

My mother looked surprised too and she flashed the table a fake smile. "Of course, but he _will _do something that makes him happy, won't he?"

My parents both looked at me urgently.

"Eh… sure." I replied confused.

"See." Mother said triumphantly. My father shook his head, I looked at him apologetically.

"But Gohan, didn't you want to go travelling with Videl?" Hercule asked.

I opened my mouth to reply, but my mother beat me to it. "He did, but we sat around the table and discussed it and he knows that he has to go to college first. He made the right decision."

As she said that, I almost wanted to say that I had to do it for her. This thought shocked me.

I never actually questioned myself why I had to go to college. It's always been obvious for me. Gohan is a brilliant kid with so many capacities and with the right opportunities he could be the best in this field. I knew this when Videl and I broke up. I knew this when I made the decision not to go with her and I made this decision because I had to do it. But now, I finally questioned…for whom was I doing it? I realized that it was not for myself, but for my mother. She wanted me to go to college. I didn't study all my life for myself, because I wanted to go to the best universities. I studied for her. Or rather, she forced me to study. I thought I wanted it, but what I really wanted was…

…what I really want is happiness. And the only one who can give me that, is the girl I let go without even putting up a fight. Being with the girl I love could only bring me true happiness. No education could give me what Videl has already given me. Love. And I was stupid enough to let it go. Anyone could build a solid future by hard working, anytime. But it was a whole lot harder to win over the heart of the girl you want to be with for the rest of your life. And with the meaningful looks of Hercule, my father and even my little brother at me, I realized I had made the wrong decision.

"He's going to college this year and make us all so proud. My little boy. He's going towards a bright future."

Future. We've planned everything about my future from the minute I was born. No, not we. My mother planned everything. And now I know something valuable, something I've always overlooked until now. My future did not lie with my education anymore.

I rose from my chair and looked from the one person to the other. My mother looked surprised.

"Gohan, what are doing?" She asked.

I smiled. "I am going after Videl."

Before anyone could say anything, I made my way to the door. When she realized that what was happening was serious business my mother started making a scene.

"GOHAN!! What are you doing?! Are you mad?! You stay here young man!" She yelled hysterically as she walked up to me, a mixture of panic and anger in her eyes.

"Sorry mother, I'm not staying here." I replied calmly but decisively, my hand on the door handle.

"NO, Gohan don't go. Please, this is your future you're putting at stake!" She screamed desperately, tears in her eyes. My father rose from his chair and held my mother.

"Let me go, Goku!!" She shouted angrily. "Gohan, your future!!"

I smiled at my mother reassuringly. "I'm going after my future now."

She looked at me bewildered before she started crying uncontrollably. My father nodded and winked, urging me to go. Hercule came to me and embraced me again.

"Thank you, son." He said between his sobs before he released me and urged me to go too.

I ran outside and took off towards the sky. At the ground Goten waved at me and yelled 'have fun!'. I headed off south.

I never actually felt something like love before I met Videl. I used to think with my head and do what was rationally the best thing. I occupied myself with questions of science, but forgot to ask myself the questions of life. And now, as my heart spoke louder than my mind and I finally dared to listen to it, I felt happy. Nothing was certain, but everything was clear to me. Taking a risk was better than standing on the side lines. Speaking up was better than shutting up. Following your own dreams was better than following others. And love… Love is the future. And we'll see what happens after that.

I flew to Fort Angelo.

To Videl.

To my future.

* * *

Review if you like!


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